I’m not a HUGE eater, but I would also like to address the fact that I’m fat not because I eat a ton, but because as my comedy friends like to call it, I’m “Bad Choices Fat” & I’ve never accepted any physical description of myself more.
I love spicy food. I used to eat it constantly. I still love it, however, I don’t eat it as often because I’m sure the recipe of crushed red pepper, jalapeno, ghost pepper salsa & Rumpleminze has probably made a little ulcer in my tum tum.
Just to give you an example, I’ll tell ya what I like to get from one of my favorite places to eat in Appleton, HuHot (Hint, hint. If you’re reading this, I’m always looking for places to endorse.)
Not only do I get jalapenos, but I like to get 5 scoops of the Khan’s Revenge sauce along with & 5 scoops of the Kung Pow Yow! Which are both the spiciest sauces you can get.
I also make sure I get it delivered because I need to be alone when I eat this. I end up sweaty, bloated & laid out on my couch using a back scratcher to itch my shin. Basically a prototypical picture of fat America. But it’s the tastiest way to sweat out the weekend, if you know what I mean.
I do have my limits when it comes to hot spicy though.
Over the years I used to just eat hot to sweat. Something about burning my taste buds enroute to physical failure was awfully tempting. Then I changed to, if it’s gonna be hot, it better taste good.
I tried a corner of the Paqui Chip that is famous from the One Chip Challenge. I bit that corner, sweated for a half hour and then threw the rest of it away because that thing was gonna go so stale before I got to finishing it. I even get brave and eat some Mrs. Renfro’s ghost pepper salsa, but just a little dab for flavor and heat. I don’t want my ulcer to get a friend.
What I would never do is what I’m about to tell you.
Are you familiar with the Carolina Reaper? Yeah, the hottest pepper in the world that was unleashed by pepper breeder Ed Currie (Not the same spelling as Marie Curie. I checked). What a hell of a job, by the way. I didn’t even know that was a thing. He also claims that he has even HOTTER peppers that he has to unleash on the poor world.
What a sick bas…., anyway.
A competitive eater from Canada, Mike Jack, broke the record last year for “fastest time to eat 50 Carolina Reapers.” He managed to take them down in 6 minutes & 49 seconds. That’s like just over one every ten seconds.
This man decided that wasn’t enough.
He centered his inner Simpsons where Homer pours wax on his tongue so he can down a bunch of really hot, exotic peppers & decided he was going to try to break the record of the most consumed in a single sitting.
He got to 135 before calling it quits. The sad thing about this is that the record is 160 by someone who goes by “Iron Guts.”
Mike Jack did admit that he threw up immediately after tapping out to help ward off the side effects. He also acknowledged that consuming coconut water & heavy foods are also not enough to help stave off those side effects that can cause pain & suffering for up to 12 hours.
Listen, the only effects, pain & suffering I’m trying to avoid is how it’s going to feel when it finds its way out because I don’t think there’s anything that can help that.
