HOLY TOLEDO!
First of all, bravo. BRA-VO, Philadelphia Cream Cheese for finally doing what is not only logical but economical.
🆕 Cream cheese brand Philadelphia has launched limited-edition, no-hole bagels, named Bagel Wholes, into select bakeries in North America. 🥯https://t.co/vW5KXsFQJq
— FoodBev Media (@FoodBev) February 1, 2024
BAGELS WITHOUT HOLES.
Say hello to Bagel Wholes. Philadelphia Cream Cheese is teaming up with bagel joints in 5 U.S. markets for a stunt with the classic bagel, except no stupid hole in the middle.
Why do we even have holes in bagels?! We don’t have holes in our sandwiches, and do you want to know why? Because that would be idiotic. Bagel holes mean two things:
- There is now LESS bagel.
- It makes spreading creaming cheese harder.
A quick Google search tells me that bagel holes are part of the original basic bagel shape spanning hundreds of years which allows for even baking and is easier to showcase on a dowel. (Deep breath) Okay… This is 2024. We don’t need you to showcase your bagels on a dowel. We’ve got the internet, we can google what your bagels look like. We’ve gone to the moon, we have robots on other planets, UFOs are confirmed, we have phones in our pockets that can do anything, we LITERALLY HAVE A.I., and here we are living in the stone ages with a freakin’ hole in the middle of a perfectly good bagel.
Make it make sense. Life’s too short to get ripped off by Big Bagel.
But then again, we also trust an immortal groundhog to tell us when Spring is over, so…
